While acceptable small talk topics vary depending on culture, you generally want to avoid discussing the following topics with someone you don’t know well:
- Your health issues
- Personal/confidential information
- Controversial topics
- Inappropriate jokes
Read on for some questions NOT to ask at holiday gatherings, contributed by Debra Fine, speaker, and author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.
Holidays can mean the ideal family get-together or a day of awkward moments, uncomfortable silences, and eruptions of family feuds.
1. “Are you two ever going to get married?” Most of us mothers (I am guilty as charged!) along with the rest of the planet presume that long time dating results in marriage. It ain’t necessarily so! And for those young people at the table already blissfully wed: “When are you two going to make me a grandmother?” Back off! If they wanted you to know their intimate intentions they would be sure to send you a press release.
2. “I knew your candidate did not stand a chance, what do you have to say for yourself now?” Stop gloating, there are plenty of people eating turkey after the election, no need to rub it in. We are all in this together.
3. “Aren’t you full yet?” or “Why aren’t you eating anything?” Leave us alone about what we eat or don’t eat and worry about what you put in your own mouth. Just because eating at the holiday dinner table is a marathon of gorging for some for others it may be an Olympic feat of discipline. Also, just because you slaved over the pumpkin pie or prepared grandma’s traditional stuffing does not mean we are required to consume it. Eating is a personal decision!
4. “Yes, I know you’re a parent. But haven’t you ever thought about working?” Is this just a reflection of the Mommy wars? Whether someone chooses to work outside of the home or stay at home with their kids it is their choice, and we should respect that choice and instead show a genuine interest in her: “What are the challenges of staying at home with kids today?” or “Describe a typical day…” or “What keeps you busy outside of work/home?”
5. “How is it that your son looks just like you and your daughter looks like she could be from a different family?” Personal questions that you do not know the answer to are never a good idea. Other examples include: “Did your son graduate?” and “How is the boyfriend?” “Did she go to prom?”
6. “Did you cook this yourself, or did you just thaw it out?” You may be asking because you sincerely wish to know how you can create this dish yourself, but you are putting the host/hostess on the spot. Instead, ask for the recipe after the meal. If it was not homemade she will let you know at that time or maybe be coy and say that the recipe is a family tradition that is not shared outside the family!
Has anyone ever asked you an awkward question? How did you handle it?