Have you ever spoken up in a meeting, only to feel like your words disappeared into the void? Like no one really heard you? If you’ve ever felt invisible when you speak, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, too.
Years ago, fresh out of college as a new engineer, I struggled to communicate my ideas. I thought my work would speak for itself—until a harsh comment from my boss made me realize otherwise. That experience taught me that confidence isn’t a talent or a feeling. It’s a skill you can build.
Confidence Isn’t a Feeling – It’s Action
Confidence doesn’t come first. Action does. You don’t need to feel confident to act confidently. Small actions can pave the way. Next time you’re nervous, try this:
- Take a slow, deep breath and imagine filling the room with calm energy.
- Walk in with your eyes up, scanning the room like you belong there.
- Speak a little louder than you feel comfortable and plant your feet firmly.
Over time, these actions build a foundation of confidence. Even pausing while you speak, which can feel awkward, is a powerful tool. It’s a way to show control and give your thoughts room to breathe.
Why Public Speaking Feels Terrifying—and How to Overcome It
If public speaking makes your heart race and your palms sweat, it’s not just nerves—it’s biology. Your brain perceives it as a threat, triggering a fight-or-flight response. Great for emergencies, not so great for presentations.
Here’s how to calm the fear:
- Practice Tactical Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold again for 4 seconds. Repeat until you feel calm.
- Loosen Up: Roll your shoulders and shake out your hands to signal to your brain that there’s no danger.
- Picture Success: Visualize your audience nodding along, engaged with your words.
The more you practice calming techniques, the easier it becomes to step into the spotlight with clarity and poise.
Buy Time and Sound Smarter on the Spot
Ever been asked a question and felt your mind go blank? You don’t need all the answers right away. Buy yourself time by repeating the question back or commenting on it:
- “That’s a great question. If I understand correctly, you’re asking about…”
- “I love that angle. It’s something I’ve been thinking about recently.”
This approach gives your brain time to catch up while maintaining control of the conversation. Confidence isn’t about always knowing the answer—it’s about handling the moment with grace.
Confidence Has Nothing to Do With Talent
If confidence were about talent, most of us would never speak up. The truth? Talent might give you a head start, but it’s consistent practice that builds confidence.
When I first joined Toastmasters, I was far from confident. My voice shook, and I clung to the podium like it was a life raft. But I kept showing up, practicing, and learning. Over time, I realized confidence is built on small, consistent actions—not innate talent.
Imagine stepping into a room with certainty, knowing people listen when you speak. That’s not talent; that’s practice.
Real Confidence Starts With Your Voice
Sometimes, the biggest breakthrough isn’t learning something new—it’s realizing the tools you need are already within you. Coaching isn’t about turning you into someone else; it’s about bringing out the version of you that’s been waiting to step up.
Take Amy, for example. She came to me overwhelmed about leading a workshop. Her biggest fear? The unexpected. After a few sessions, Amy didn’t just feel ready—she felt in control. She handled questions and challenges with confidence she didn’t know she had.
Amy didn’t become a different person; she learned to use the voice she already had.
Building Confidence Starts Now
Whether you’re standing in front of a boardroom or speaking up in a meeting, confidence isn’t a mystery. It’s a skill. With structure, practice, and small actions, you can find your voice and own your space.